Disagreeing Respectfully

Pragmatics · Grades 9–12 · 8 cards · about 15 min

Hold a position without ending the relationship -- rehearsed language, not general advice.

'I see it differently -- can I explain why?'
Say it out loud

What's in this activity

  • 'I see it differently -- can I explain why?'
  • 'That's fair, but I'd add...'
  • 'I don't think that's right. What are you basing it on?'
  • 'I'm not going to agree on this one, and that's okay.'
  • 'Can we come back to this later?'
  • 'I hear you. Here's what's bugging me about it.'
  • Rewrite 'you're wrong' so it stays a conversation.
  • When is it better to say nothing at all?

About this activity

Eight lines for holding a position without ending the relationship: I see it differently — can I explain why? That's fair, but I'd add… I don't think that's right. What are you basing it on? I'm not going to agree on this one, and that's okay. Plus two harder tasks: rewrite you're wrong so it stays a conversation, and decide when it is better to say nothing at all.

How to use it in a session

Give the student something to disagree with that they actually disagree with. Rehearsing polite disagreement about nothing produces polite nothing; take a position they will object to and let them use the phrases under real pressure. The rewrite task is the most useful item on the board — turning you're wrong into something a conversation survives is a concrete skill and produces a phrase the student owns. Fifteen minutes with a real argument in it.

What to listen for

Listen for the two halves. A good disagreement acknowledges the other position and then states a different one — that's fair, but — and students typically produce one half or the other. Watch for the phrases being used to avoid disagreeing rather than to do it; can we come back to this later is a legitimate move and can become a way out of every position.

Carrying it home

Let the teenager win something occasionally. A disagreement phrase that never changes an outcome stops getting used, and the family is where most disagreements happen.

Questions

What ages is this for?
Ninth through twelfth grade, where social consequences for disagreeing badly are real and immediate.
Is it free?
Yes, all eight cards are free to use with no account.
When is it better to say nothing?
That is the last card, and it is genuinely open. Knowing when a disagreement is not worth having is part of the skill, and a student who always speaks is as constrained as one who never does.